Madea's Thanksgiving Rules

A re-post... from Thanksgivings past:

 

Madea's Thanksgiving Rules

RULES FOR THANKSGIVING DINNER AT MY HOUSE

1. Don't get in line asking questions about the food. "Who made the potato salad? Is there egg in there? Are the greens fresh? Is the meat in the greens turkey or pork? Who made the macaroni and cheese? What kind of pie is that? Who made it? Ask one more question and I will punch you in your mouth, knocking out all your fronts so you won't be able to eat anything.

2. If you can't walk or are missing any limbs, sit your butt down until someone makes your plate for you. Dinner time is not the time for you to be independent. Nibble on them pecans and walnuts to hold you over until someone makes you a plate.

3. If you have kids under the age of twelve, I will escort their little butts to the basement and bring their food down to them. They are not going to tear my house up this year. Tell them that they are not allowed upstairs until it's time for Uncle Butchie to start telling family stories about their mommas and papas. If they come upstairs for any reason except for that they are bleeding to death, I will tear their butts up and you better not ask why!

4. There is going to be one prayer for Thanksgiving dinner! JUST ONE! We do not care that you are thankful that your 13 year old daughter gave birth to a healthy baby or your nephew just got out of jail. The time limit for the prayer is one minute. If you are still talking after that one minute is up, you will feel something hard come across your lips and they will be swollen for approximately 20 minutes.

5. Finish everything on your plate before you go up for seconds! If you don't, you will be asked to stay your greedy butt home next year!

6. BRING YOUR OWN TUPPERWARE!! Don't let me catch you fixing yourself a plate in my good Tupperware knowing that I will never see it again! Furthermore, if you didn't bring anything over, don't let me catch you making a plate period or it will be a misunderstanding. And why are you making plates before you eat? You never bring a dish or offer a dime do you?

7. What you came with is what you should leave with!! Do not leave my house with anything that doesn't belong to you. EVERYBODY WILL BE SUBJECTED TO A BODY SEARCH COMING AND GOING OUT OF MY DOMAIN!!!

8. Do not leave your kids so you can go hopping from house to house. This is not a DAYCARE CENTER ! There will be a kid-parent roll call every ten minutes. Any parent that is not present at the time of roll call, your child will be put outside until you come and get him or her. After 24 hours, I will call CPS!

9. BOOK YOUR HOTEL ROOM BEFORE YOU COME INTO TOWN!! There will be no sleeping over at my house! You are to come and eat dinner and go home or to your hotel room. EVERYBODY GETS KICKED OUT AT 11:00 pm. You will get a 15 minute warning bell ring.

10. Last but not least! ONE PLATE PER PERSON!! This is not a soup kitchen. I am not trying to feed your family until Christmas dinner! You will be supervised when you fix your plate. Anything over the appropriate amount will be charged to you before you leave. There will be a cash register at the door. Thanks to Cousin

Alfred and his greedy family, we now have a credit card machine! So VISA and MASTERCARD are now being accepted. NO FOOD STAMPS OR ACCESS CARDS YET.

A Medea Re-post

This is a re-post from a few years ago.  Enjoy:

Madea's Thanksgiving Rules

RULES FOR THANKSGIVING DINNER AT MY HOUSE

1. Don't get in line asking questions about the food. "Who made the potato salad? Is there egg in there? Are the greens fresh? Is the meat in the greens turkey or pork? Who made the macaroni and cheese? What kind of pie is that? Who made it? Ask one more question and I will punch you in your mouth, knocking out all your fronts so you won't be able to eat anything.

2. If you can't walk or are missing any limbs, sit your butt down until someone makes your plate for you. Dinner time is not the time for you to be independent. Nibble on them pecans and walnuts to hold you over until someone makes you a plate.

3. If you have kids under the age of twelve, I will escort their little butts to the basement and bring their food down to them. They are not going to tear my house up this year. Tell them that they are not allowed upstairs until it's time for Uncle Butchie to start telling family stories about their mommas and papas. If they come upstairs for any reason except for that they are bleeding to death, I will tear their butts up and you better not ask why!

4. There is going to be one prayer for Thanksgiving dinner! JUST ONE! We do not care that you are thankful that your 13 year old daughter gave birth to a healthy baby or your nephew just got out of jail. The time limit for the prayer is one minute. If you are still talking after that one minute is up, you will feel something hard come across your lips and they will be swollen for approximately 20 minutes.

5. Finish everything on your plate before you go up for seconds! If you don't, you will be asked to stay your greedy butt home next year!

6. BRING YOUR OWN TUPPERWARE!! Don't let me catch you fixing yourself a plate in my good Tupperware knowing that I will never see it again! Furthermore, if you didn't bring anything over, don't let me catch you making a plate period or it will be a misunderstanding. And why are you making plates before you eat? You never bring a dish or offer a dime do you?

7. What you came with is what you should leave with!! Do not leave my house with anything that doesn't belong to you. EVERYBODY WILL BE SUBJECTED TO A BODY SEARCH COMING AND GOING OUT OF MY DOMAIN!!!

8. Do not leave your kids so you can go hopping from house to house. This is not a DAYCARE CENTER ! There will be a kid-parent roll call every ten minutes. Any parent that is not present at the time of roll call, your child will be put outside until you come and get him or her. After 24 hours, I will call CPS!

9. BOOK YOUR HOTEL ROOM BEFORE YOU COME INTO TOWN!! There will be no sleeping over at my house! You are to come and eat dinner and go home or to your hotel room. EVERYBODY GETS KICKED OUT AT 11:00 pm. You will get a 15 minute warning bell ring.

10. Last but not least! ONE PLATE PER PERSON!! This is not a soup kitchen. I am not trying to feed your family until Christmas dinner! You will be supervised when you fix your plate. Anything over the appropriate amount will be charged to you before you leave. There will be a cash register at the door. Thanks to Cousin

Alfred and his greedy family, we now have a credit card machine! So VISA and MASTERCARD are now being accepted. NO FOOD STAMPS OR ACCESS CARDS YET

A Rather Interesting.....Top 10

Yahoo.com......missed the boat here.

Elton John?  A part time resident?   Really?

Ted Turner?   Doesn't own CNN anymore....or the Braves.......Ted?  Really?   He lives in Montana these days.

Monica Pearson?   She......reads news.....Really?

Newt?   What a joke.....Really?

Clark Howard?   Powerful?   Really?

Yahoo and company have  way too much time on their hands....and too little thoughts in their brains.

We disagree with over half of their selections..... 


What about you?

Here's their  list:

Atlanta's 10 most powerful people

 

Atlanta's 10 most powerful and influential people

By Brian C. Hopkins | Yahoo! Contributor Network – Thu, Jul 14, 2011

COMMENTARY | Atlanta is considered to be the unofficial capital of the southeastern United States. Atlanta is also a city with considerable influence on politics, religion, and entertainment. So, to be one of the most powerful people in Atlanta means that you're also one of the most powerful people in the world, but what is power? For the purposes of this ranking, we looked at political influence, social status, and last, but certainly not least, wealth. After all, it was Tony Montana in "Scarface" who said, "In this country, you gotta make the money first. Then, when you get the money, you get the power." With that said, here is a listing of Atlanta's 10 most powerful people. 

10. Kasim Reed - Mayor of Atlanta

Unlike in some U.S. cities, in Atlanta the mayor actually does have considerable power and political influence. As a former two-term member as a state representative and former vice chairman of the Senate Democratic Caucus, Mayor Reed has made quite a few powerful and influential friends during his ride to the city's most prestigious office. 

9. Monica Pearson - News anchor WSB-TV

For over 35 years, Monica Pearson has been the anchor for one of Atlanta's largest networks. Pearson has received various awards for her reporting and was not only first African-American woman to be named an anchor in Atlanta, but is also the longest running anchor in Atlanta history. Pearson's involvement with various business leaders, political groups, and religious leaders in Atlanta make her well-deserving of the title of one of Atlanta's most powerful. 

8. Andrew Young - Former Atlanta mayor, congressman, and U.S. ambassador to the United Nations

Andrew Young has led a movie-script life. He was an involved activist and confidant of Rev. Martin Luther King Jr. He is a former U.S. congressman and was appointed as ambassador to the U.N. by President Jimmy Carter and also held the office of mayor in Atlanta. Young was a driving force behind getting the 1996 Olympic Games to come to Atlanta and is credited with spearheading Atlanta's corporate appeal to business around the world. 

7. Clark Howard - Consumer advocate

When millions of people around the world watch television, listen to radio, or search the Internet to hear what you say is or isn't a good deal, you've got true power. Clark Howard is one of the most widely used names not only in Atlanta, but also around the country. When you're the world's king of saving money and the world's in an economic spiral, you're going to wield a mighty sword in the world of influence. 

6. Elton John - Entertainer and philanthropist

While his main home is abroad, Elton John's primary U.S. residence is just minutes from downtown Atlanta. In a career that has spanned over four decades, Elton John has won almost every major music award thinkable. He is one of the most successful activists and philanthropists in the world and is a frequent name mentioned when listing the world's most rich and powerful entertainers. 

5. Nathan Deal - Governor and former U.S. congressman

Being the governor of the state of Georgia immediately qualifies you for the list of Atlanta's most powerful people. Nathan Deal's congressional ties and association with former Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich give Georgia's top official a firm position on the list of Atlanta's most powerful.

4. Tyler Perry - Actor, writer, and producer

Perry has built one of the most successful movie and television production companies in the world. He exhibits considerable influence among Atlanta's African-American community and is widely respected by the city's political and religious leaders, but when you have a direct line to Oprah Winfrey, you're a pretty powerful guy. 

3. Ted Turner - Media mogul

Had this article been written 15 years ago, Ted Turner would be the undisputed most powerful man in Atlanta. Ted Turner is the former owner of the Atlanta Braves, the founder of both TBS and CNN, and one of the largest individual land owners in the U.S. Although Turner is in the spotlight far less than he used to be, his estimated net worth is still in the billions. 

2. Newt Gingrich - Former congressman and speaker of the House

To have a chance at being elected as the Republican candidate for the 2012 Presidential election, you've got to be a polarizing figure, and Newt Gingrich is exactly that. His congressional career spans over 30 years, and he has worked closely with several presidents (both Republican and Democrat). Gingrich's ties with some of the political and business worlds' most powerful and influential make him just that. 

1. Arthur Blank - Businessman

Sometimes popularity can give you a power that even money can't buy. Arthur Blank has endeared himself with the city and thusly become the most powerful man in Atlanta. The co-founder of Home Depot purchased the Atlanta Falcons and the Georgia Force. Since acquiring the Falcons, he has initiated the most successful run in the team's history. In addition to this, his various charitable contributions and warm personality have captivated the Atlanta public. 

Brian Hopkins has been involved with the city of Atlanta's business and political structure for over 20 years. He has covered various local political issues as an independent writer during that time. He currently serves as a consumer advocate, and he is the founder of 4TheConsumer.com.

 

For more stories in your area, check out Yahoo! Local Atlanta.